Conversations with Kids: Transition to Summer, An Interview with My Son

The end of the school year came fast and furiously last month and in New York, the kids were in school until almost July so we are still easing into the reality of summer. June is always an intense month filled with endings and beginnings. It marks the ending of a grade, of a school year, of a class and the beginning of the carefree, fun days of summer.

My son, on his last day of school in June

Like most parental rights of passage, I found this time this year very bittersweet. I was incredibly excited for my son that he was finishing his school year and that it had been a good one for him. I share his excitement for all things summer: fireworks, ice cream, traveling, beaches, swimming, late playdates, s’mores (he really loves those!) and summer reading.  Yet all the while, I also felt a bit wistful how about fast the time is going by and quickly my son is growing up.

Much like I do when filming kids for Portraits that Move documentaries, I decided to do a quick interview with him, asking about his feelings on summer in the hopes of opening up a conversation about this transition. What I found was that he was present, thinking forward and open. He felt curious, positive and at ease. The conversation with him was brief but joyful.

Q: What do you love most about summer?

A: Traveling to places like Cape Cod and Maine because I like spending time with my family. When I go there I get to see all my cousins.

Q: How does summer feel different from the school year to you?

A: Well, I miss my friends and I don’t like learning as much as learning while you are doing something fun and summer is a way better time to do that because there is no homework.

Q: What will you miss about school?

A: That my friends are there - I miss them already - that they help me a lot and I love them and I don’t see them a lot in the summer.

Q: Do you have any goals – is there something you really want to do, learn or get better at – this summer?

A: I want to learn more multiplication. And I want to learn about rocks, and birds and nature.

Q: What is your favorite summer tradition?

A: Going to Cape Cod and s’mores, of course. 

After this conversation I felt less emotional.  Conversation and questions always soften the intensity of any moment. Our children offer us the gift of living in the present moment. It is up to us how often we allow ourselves to live in that moment with them.  I hope to do a great deal of that this summer with my son.

Speaking with our children, asking questions and really hearing their answers is such an important part of our job as parents, and my job as a filmmaker.  This summer, I want to be mindful of creating space for conversations with my son.  And I know it will make our summer all the more joyful, and memorable, no matter how quickly it seems to go.

On Freedom

Freedom is a word that has come up a lot in the last week.  As we gear up to celebrate our country’s birthday, we have gratitude for the freedoms we have in this nation. They feel meaningful, important and unifying.

In the last week, thoughts about freedom have felt even more significant in celebrating the United States Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. Over the years I periodically have participated in gay pride celebrations, but this year I decided that it was important to bring my son to the Gay Pride parade in New York City.

I knew it would be fun, a big party, flamboyant and joyous. What I did not expect was the flood of emotions I would feel to be there. Every cheer felt soulful, every moment of applause extra vibrant. I wept and cheered and wept some more. And my son was in it with me. He laughed and we danced and he cheered and was fully present in the celebration.

When I think about the fact that gay marriage will be legal for his generation and generations after that, without question - I feel overwhelmed with joy. It is incredible to think of a future where everyone can have whatever type of family they choose. This is the definition of freedom to me. We have so much to celebrate today and every day.

What does freedom mean to you? How do you celebrate it? How do you document that celebration?

Celebrating Father’s Day - and My Dad

I love any excuse to celebrate, especially one that honors our family. As far as fathers go, I hit the jackpot. And, to be honest I have struggled to write this because it is difficult to express how much my father means to me (and my son) within the limitations of a single blog post.

One of my favorite pictures ever - my father with his mother, Rose and my son

My father, Steve, is the perfect combination of attributes that make any parent an ideal one. He is quiet and strong, yet filled with enthusiasm. He is a hard worker and an excellent provider, yet is always present at every important event. He is an incredible listener, amazing husband, brother, teacher, colleague, friend and grandfather. His joie di vivre is infectious - he is always up for a new adventure or experience, yet loves his home and creating a home. My father is highly creative, generous and loving. Being in his presence is a gift.

My father has always made me feel like he had full confidence in me, and in my dreams. It has felt as if, in his mind, there is nothing that was impossible for me to do or be.

Watching him with my son has been nothing short of blissful. They both treasure their time together and my son often asks about my father… what he would think of something, what he is doing, where he is at any given moment. 

So today, in honor of my dad, I celebrate all the fathers we love. The ones who work hard and play hard. The ones who bring joy to their children and to their families. Those who we are close to, and those who we have recently had the privilege of getting to know.  Here’s to you! 

I hope you feel as loved and as celebrated as you make us feel every day.

Honor the fathers in your life in a special way with a Father’s Day Portrait from Portraits that Move.

Small Moments

I love holidays of all kinds.  I think they are important times to stop, spend time with family and enjoy. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries I love them all and participate in each of them with vigor and excitement.

Once we have children, I think the small moments of life are even more important to celebrate. We can create small traditions in a daily way that mean something to us and to our children. I was recently traveling for several weeks. When I finally returned and had a Saturday with my son, I asked him how he wanted to spend it.  He created the perfect day.

We started by having pastries at our favorite bakery (where we go every time we have a day like this.) We watched a movie, went to the bookstore, had some pizza and went for a long walk. We talked and snuggled and just enjoyed each other. It did not make up for the time I was away, but we were reconnecting and we both enjoyed it.

                                                                                Chocolate croissant, my son's favorite (image via Flickr)

The bakery outing was a special thing that we do frequently, just the two of us. I was excited that he chose to start the day that way. In making that the start of our day, he showed me that the quiet, gentle time is important to him. It was something comforting, celebratory and fun. He needed the moment just as much as I did.

The rest of the day felt the same way- we both love movies, books and pizza. We held hands and felt close. We felt lucky to have this life and each other.

Business Travel: How a Working Mom Can Stay Connected to Her Kids

I’ve been traveling a lot for business lately and I am reminded of how important it is to stay connected to our children when we are separated by distance and how lucky we are to have technology that allows us to do so. 

On my most recent trip to LA, my son and I took full advantage of Facetime, talking together once, and sometimes twice, a day.  It is by no means perfect, and can be difficult to get your child’s attention when you’re not in the same room together (then again, it can be difficult to get their attention when you are in the same room together).  But overall, I was so impressed by and appreciative of the way that Facetime helped us to connect while I was so far away.

Having an image and being able to look into someone’s eyes, makes it so much easier to connect with our kids.  While it can be hard to have a real conversation over the phone with my son, Facetime helped us to connect with and really listen to each other.  For him, at seven, the fact that it was digital and a little techy made it exciting and more fun than holding a phone to his ear.

More than any other time, these business trips have emphasized for me just how much of a role technology plays in keeping us connected and close.  So often, parents bemoan technology and the ways it can fragment, or separate and certainly, this can be true, but in this crazy pace of life, we really are fortunate to have this kind of technology in that it can also keep us together.

They Need to Know You Are OK

One thing I have realized as a working mom who travels is that our kids need to know that we are safe and comfortable when we are away from them.  My son needs to know that when I leave home I am not just out in the ether.  Anything that we can do to help our kids visualize where we are and how we are, anything that provides context for them, helps to ease their minds – and gets them excited about the adventure we are taking, the adventure we are sharing with them as best we can.

My colleague Rebecca sent her daughter daily photos from our set and snapped pictures of the airplane before we boarded all of our flights.  All of this helped her daughter to see that mom is not just away from, she is out doing, and she is happy to share that with her. 

I Facetimed my son from my hotel room every morning (in spite of the time difference that had me up before 5 am) and took him on a tour so he could see the desk where I was working and the view from my window. He could see what I see and know what I am doing.  We could share moments with each other.

We Need to Know They Are OK

The challenges of business travel for working moms are not limited to managing the emotions, and the expectations of our kids.  We need to feel anchored to our children, to know that they are safe and well and thriving.  Knowing this makes it easier to be fully present in our work. It provides us comfort and security. It is essential to the success of our work.

My son’s annual field day was held while I was away and I was struggling a bit, knowing I would miss it.  But his dad shot video of him jumping hurdles and playing with his friends and sent them to me.  He recorded my son’s messages to me.  I cherished all of it. 

The videos made me feel connected and helped me to feel confident that, no matter what, my son and I share a bond.  And that I can still celebrate in his joys, even when I’m not right there on the sidelines.

Happy Mother's Day

To all the moms, grandmothers, special aunts, godmothers and everyone of you who loves and cares for children, we wish you a Happy Mother's Day filled with the joy, pride and love that you find in your children every day.

No matter how you celebrate this weekend, remember to choose joy and remember how loved and appreciated you are.  And how much everything you do matters. We are grateful for you and to be among you. 

Thank you, moms.  Happy Mother's Day! 

With HUGE love,

Susannah

How My Role as Film Producer Trained Me for Motherhood

I was 36 years old when I had my son. I always knew I wanted children, ideally, lots of them. I babysat at a young age, taught at camps and felt energetic and excited whenever I had the chance to be in the presence of children.

I spent my twenties and thirties building my career. I love my work and I always have. I am driven and passionate about being a filmmaker. I have been lucky enough to have worked on incredible projects, with talented, inspiring people.

By the time I was 36 I had been on the team of four narrative, theatrical films and I had produced documentaries for PBS, MSNBC, Ovation TV, Court TV, IFC and other networks. I had won a producing fellowship at Sundance, had produced countless corporate videos and commercials and had several big projects in development.

I was so invested in my work that I took on the production of a documentary, Close-Up Photographers at Work, 8 weeks before my son was due and it aired 4 days before his due date. I loved that project and thankfully, my son was patient.  He arrived two days late, so I had a couple days of downtime before he arrived. I think he and I were always in sync - even then.

As all parents know, once my son was born, my world got turned upside-down. I fell madly, deeply in love with him and at the same time, I felt incredibly panicked about how out of control my life seemed.

I wanted to be with him all the time, yet I felt pulled back to my work. Ultimately, I found an amazing balance and it worked out beautifully for both of us.

And as both my son and I grew, I realized that being a producer is excellent training for becoming a parent. As a producer you need to do the following things, all of which prepare you for the challenges and responsibilities of parenting:

You plan everything   

A well thought out schedule is the backbone of any good production. As a parent, planning and structure are important. Children thrive when there is a rhythm and a familiarity to their lives.

You expect change and are able to roll with it when it happens

Things change in production all the time. People change their involvement with the project. Things get started and then halted. Even weather can change a shoot unexpectedly. 

It is the same with children; they have their own ideas, needs and intentions. And sometimes, as parents, we have to be ok with throwing our plans to the wind.

You encourage them to be their best selves

Producing is about collaboration. Once you have hired the best team possible, you have to do everything you can to support them in bringing all they are to the work they do.

The role of mother is exactly the same. You learn what your child needs, what makes them tick and how to encourage the most authentic manifestation of who they are.

You listen

Whether I am in conversation with a director, client, crew member or my son, I listen with my full attention.  I want them to be heard and to know their voices and opinions are important. 

Lilah tells us at she loves out her mom as we kick off our Mother's Day celebration.

It is in collecting thoughts and creating an environment of trust that the best films and the best parenting happens.

You trust that they will have the life meant for them

Films and children have their own paths. It is not my job to define what that path is, but to gently support and suggest things along the way. It is not up to me, entirely, when a film gets released or what my son’s interests are.

I can listen to what the film tells me and heed the cues my son gives me.

You create space with love

With films it is the director’s responsibility to dig deep and tell the truest story possible. With parenting, our responsibility is to accept and love our children exactly as they are. In both cases, it is critical that a platform is created for this acceptance and love. 

I work hard to do this every day with my son and with Portraits That Move.

Since having my son, I have made some of my best work, On Mediation, Kings Point, Boomtown and many more.  Now, with the work we do here at Portraits that Move, creating documentaries for families, I am so thankful to get to do this every day, to get to be a mother to my son and to have both of these worlds so intertwined, informed and strengthened by each other.

What it Means to Have an Entrepreneur Mom

I love my business. I am excited to do the work that we do. I am inspired, energetic and moved by our work, but being an entrepreneur challenges me in all kinds of ways, some positive, some negative.

There are long hours, financial concerns, marketing hurdles and other challenges. It can feel relentless. I never feel like the work is done and I always feel a sense that I should be doing more, working harder. Sometimes I feel consumed by the business and distracted by it. I worry that building a business is taking me away from the most important part of my life, my son.

I don’t really believe in worrying in general as I don’t think worry actually buys us anything, so when I start to feel that way, I try to refocus my thoughts and come up with the positive things he is learning and experiencing as the son of an entrepreneur.

Here are some of them: 

1.  He is learning that hard work can be fun. I laugh a lot while I am working. I talk about how much I love my work with Portraits that Move and my son sees that.

2.  We can make our own dreams come true and that we should be fearless about it. I had an idea for this business and I went for it. It is working out for me and he is witnessing that. I believe that taking risks is important and the decision to create this business is a risk that has been incredibly rewarding.

3.  Collaboration is necessary. My son has gotten to know many of the people that are on our team. They love him and he loves them. The collaborations feel good.  They are fruitful and nourishing.

4.  He knows about the finances of business. I am an obsessive Shark Tank watcher.  We watch many episodes together and he has a better understanding of the finances of business at 7 than I did into my early twenties. He also has gut instincts about why a business may work or not and it is exciting for me to see his clear-headed decisiveness.

5.  Life can be balanced (I hope!)  I work really hard and from my home, so while my son does witness me working all the time, I still make dinner every night, host many playdates and make it to most events at school. I feel lucky to be able to create a balance and to make my own choices about my schedule.

6.  There is always more to learn. I am constantly pushing myself to learn about new approaches to the work we do, new business ideas and innovative strategies. I never rest or feel like we have done it all or like I know it all.

7.  We can lead with our hearts and feel good about who we are. Portraits that Move is a business built on the concept of joy, of family closeness and connection.

It is not surprising that I would build this type of company as I am a heart-centered person who appreciates and celebrates all of the joy that family brings. I created a company that reflects who I am and we are thriving. I am excited to do this work every day, and my son witnesses that and participates in it.

Recently on our walk to school, I asked him about what it means to have an entrepreneur mom, and what it means, specifically, to have Portraits that Move in our lives.

He paused for a second and said,

“I feel great about it Mom.”

“Why?” I asked, “Tell me more.”  

“Well,” he said, “Portraits That Move is great because it makes US really happy.” 

It certainly does.  And it is my privilege to share that joy with each one of you.  To help your children share their voices and to create a space for the conversations we most want to have, those conversations in which we learn as much from our children as we can ever hope to teach them, by our hard work, every day.

Continue to join me on this journey building a business and sharing joy.

Planning vs. Staying in the Present - A Multitasking Mom's Daily Struggle

Staying present is hard. I am a planner, a list maker, a person who loves structure and organization. It is hard to be a planner and also to be a person who lives in the moment. The planner part of myself takes over.  It keeps the list close, has an ongoing LOUD voice that reminds me of all I have do to do every day.

I feel good when I listen to that voice, when I accomplish and check things off.

The deeper, quieter, more soulful part of myself is more knowing. She knows that we have this one moment, this one breath, that it can be taken quickly and over before we know it. She knows from experience how short life is and she whispers to the planner, “slow down, enjoy, be in this moment, savor it… you have this time, this now, this moment, this chance.”

The planner usually wins out over the voice that reminds me to stay in the present.  But it is a battle every day, every hour.  I think most moms feel this way.

The strength it requires to listen to the voice that keeps us in the present and still feel relaxed when the house is a mess, dinner is not made, work is not done… is some powerful strength.

But it is right. This voice, she is wise and soulful and I want to listen to her more.

I once heard that what a person teaches is what they most need to learn. I think that applies here. With Portraits That Move, we attempt every day to listen to the voice that keeps us in the present. We want to give you that, because once you see and feel and experience a moment of calm presence, a moment of that simple joy, you want more.

Our team, made of professional filmmakers committed to this idea, documents for you the feeling of the present so you can watch the videos and laugh and cry with your children and remember the choice we have every day, every hour, every now.  

Please enjoy the gift we are so pleased to share with all of our clients every day.  Now, I am going to go snuggle with my seven year old, while I still can.

Be a Leader and a Follower - Advice from Grandma Rose

My grandmother, Rose Ludwig, was an extremely wise woman. She lived to be almost 93 years old and had a great deal to teach all of us about life, love, and relationships. She studied psychology and was interested in what makes people tick - especially when it came to matters of the heart. She was happily married for 45 years, so I guess, she knew what she was talking about.

We were very close. One day she said to me, “In every relationship one person is a leader and the other is a follower and it is important that these roles should be able to shift and each person is able to switch places.”  The other day it occurred to me that this is an important theory in regards to how we do our work.

When we show up at someone’s home to shoot a portrait or a snapshot, we have a plan. We have spoken with your family ahead of time and have a structure in mind. We have a system, one that we have carefully created. However, when we get there if the kids want us to know something other than what we have planned, we follow their lead. We let them guide us- we let their truths be the path. We listen carefully to the child, to their needs and to the needs of all of those involved.

The listening can become almost meditative. It is about openness, feeling, sensing and then following. Listening is an empowering act. And ultimately one from which you can derive tremendous knowledge and power. If you listen carefully enough you will know the answers to make the best decisions. One has to be able to follow in order to lead well.

This is important in parenting as well. We are our best selves when we listen, when we take in and absorb what our children need. In listening, we are empowered to be the best parents we can be.

I remember when my grandmother gave me her advice about being a leader and a follower.  I thought, who would want to ever be a follower? She was right though, and I have come to understand that sometimes following is the clearest path to leadership and to our truth.

Slow Down and Savor the Memories We Make Every Minute

As modern parents, our lives are busy, hectic, frenetic. We are trying to do more, achieve more, have more and our children are a huge part of this. We rely on technology to help us get it all done, and this can be a wonderful thing. The downside of this new pace of our lives is that everything is faster, including how quickly our children grow up and how fast we feel the time going by.

Before we know it, our children are 3, 5, 12 years old, and we realize we were so busy that we forgot to sit in the moment, to feel it, to treasure it. Sitting in the moment is hard, it pushes us to feel more, to recognize all that we have (and the flip side of that, all that we have to lose).

But it is this act of being present that is what is best for us and ultimately best for our children. When we take the time to live in the everyday, we are creating memories that we, and our children, will treasure.

The memories of small moments hold us and keep us close. The way a child looks, the way he phrases something, the things that are important to her, and to our families are worth documenting. Modern technology makes it easy to record these moments, but we too often do so in a way that is haphazard or flippant. We are fast about recording our lives, rather than intentional.  Just like we are often fast about living our lives, rather than intentional.

This is where Portraits that Move comes in. We help you to hold these moments in time with love, reverence and care. We stay present with you and then we give that moment back to you, to savor. In making our short documentary films for families, we slow down the frenetic pace of everyday life with kids and allow you to feel the real moments, the memories, of your child’s life, today. 

Learn more about how the Portraits that Move experience has helped parents to slow down, appreciate and savor moments with their kids. What about this time in your child's life do you want to remember most?