We believe that every moment matters, especially the smallest moments we share with the ones we love. But sometimes, when you are celebrating a major milestone, it can feel like you are so busy making sure everything is perfect - and perfectly documented - that you end up missing out on those small, special moments that you can’t get back.
Working with bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah moms and dads inspired us to put together this list of three tips to help you stay in the moment during your mitzvah planning stages.
Check in with Your Mitzvah Kid
It can be easier to roll through the checklist, intent on getting everything accomplished as quickly as possible. Isn’t that what parenthood usually feels like??
When it comes to the Mitzvah Planning Phase, make sure you build in quick check-ins with your child (even if you have to put that down on a list). Ask what matters most to them at that day. Ask what they really want the guest list to look like. Ask if there are must-dos and rather-not-dos for how they want to celebrate.
Take another step and ask your child how the preparation is going. Ask what the mitzvah service project experience is like - why have they chosen to help their community in the way that they have. Do they see themselves continuing this kind of work into their teenage years, or even into adulthood?
Conversations like these help to re-center you and your child. And they give you the energy and excitement to continue to get all those other things off your list as you prep for the big day.
Talk About the Mitzvah Montage or Movie
Take some time to go through your photos with your child. There may be some in your collection that are extra meaningful to them, that you otherwise would have disregarded. Remember, it’s not about capturing the most beautiful moments, it’s about sharing the moments that have brought you and your child the most joy, or growth, or love.
Looking through photos and talking about memories is a wonderful way to connect with your kids, especially at a time of transition in their lives. We are always amazed at the insights and ideas that kids share when we create our documentary-style films for our Mitzvah Movies and Signature Portrait Videos. Often, it comes down to asking the most simple questions, then giving them the space to respond and share.
Share Your Own Experiences
Planning your child’s bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah naturally brings up memories of your own. Share these stories with your child.
Sit down at dinner, or take a quick trip to a coffee shop and spend a little time telling your son or daughter what they experience was like for you. Did you enjoy it? Did you feel like your mother was making all the decisions and leaving you out of the planning process? Were you worried about who from your class wouldn’t come, or whether it would feel weird to have all of your friends in the same room as all of your relatives?
Times may have changed - we may not have had mitzvah logos or photo booths - but the feeling of being a middle school-aged kid and being the center of attention in a major way, transcends time. Reach back to your own real memories - good and not-so-good - and share them with your child. It will help you to connect with them. It will alleviate some of the stresses they may be feeling (knowing you’re not alone goes a long way, especially at this age).
And it will help you have the strength and peace of mind to continue mitzvah planning in the way that is right for your kid and your family.